Radiohead is my favorite band in the world, and inspired by my own annoyance at that I wrote this piece for the sixth issue of The Pitchfork Review, which you can find in bookstores, online, and at Urban Outfitters near you! It’s full of incredible full-on music articles and interviews and other little pieces like this, I highly recommend checking it out. Here are some of the ones from the print + the ones that got cut from the print version for length reasons.

ALL I NEED - Multiple people are worried you might kill them.

ELECTIONEERING - Your 95’ Corolla has a faded “IMPEACH BUSH” bumper sticker on it.

2 + 2 + 5 - Your 02’ Civic has a pristine “INVESTIGATE 9/11” sticker on it.

CREEP - You wouldn’t trade your job as a radio emcee for anything in the world!

FAKE PLASTIC TREES - Someone made fun of you when you chose “Creep.”

KNIVES OUT - Everyone is sick of you talking about your ex.

FERAL - Everyone is sick of you talking about Whiplash.

FITTER HAPPIER - Your OKCupid profile is littered with Office Space quotes.

KID A - You’re very comfortable with being patronizing to anyone younger than you.

LURGEE - You get defensive any time someone talks shit on Dawson’s Creek.

HOUSE OF CARDS - You’ve been “in love” 5 times this year alone.

PLANET TELEX - You love impassioned conversations about how “kids nowadays just don’t know real music.”

IDIOTEQUE - Sorry I couldn’t make it to your DJ set, I had a thing.

A WOLF AT THE DOOR - Half of your tweets are complaints that people aren’t tweeting about an obscure third-world crisis.

LOTUS FLOWER - “Dude, you’ve gotta check out this autotune remix video on YouTube.You’re gonna flip.”

THE AMAZING SOUNDS OF ORGY - You always show off your Stanley Donwood tattoo within 30 minutes of a first date.

PYRAMID SONG - Your family is worried about you. How come you never call anymore.

THERE THERE - You cry during underdog sports movies. A lot.

VIVA LA VIDA - Keep working on your open mic set.